Only 43 more radiation appointments!! You should see the expression on my husband's face when I announced the countdown last night when he got home. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy!!
Up 4 tenths of a pound this morning. No worries. Normal fluctuations. I am solidly in my range and feeling positive about the beginning of this year. It is nice not to be stressed out about the "ups" and "downs" of the scale.
Suddenly I am very busy at work after weeks of not so busy. The good thing about that is the days pass much more quickly. It's okay with me.
I have two colleagues with spouses who have cancer. One has prostate cancer like my hubby. The other has breast cancer that has metatasized to her brain. Another person who I occasionally have had contact with recently died from brain cancer. It seems like cancer is everywhere. People think my attitude about this process is extraordinary. I'm not sure it is. Sometimes I wonder if I am in "denial" but I know that I am not. If my husband's life is shortened by the cancer I want to make the most of the time we have together. We have had a lot of good times together. I think we have an extraordinary relationship. One of the advantages of doing the kind of work I do is that I get peeks into many people's very private lives. The benefit of that is it helps me to maintain perspective and to acknowledge what I do have to be grateful for. Our relationship certainly isn't "perfect" ... we have our struggles and I am sure will continue to have struggles. However I share my life with a man who truly loves me and accepts me. I feel COMPLETELY safe with him and I know he feels similarly. If I do not get as much time as I want with him I still have had so much. If our time together isn't as long as I want I know the loss of him will be very difficult for me. And yet, I know I will survive and life will go on. What IS different is that I am ever conscious of the possibility of saying farewell to him. Sometimes that brings up a lot of emotion. But is has also helped me to remember to not sweat the small stuff so much. I want positive memories of our time together, plain and simple.
Okay ... I've gone on enough!! Thanks for listening, as always. Writing helps me. It helps me to "think" outloud, so to speak. Today, as always, I need to remember what I am grateful for ... that too seems to help keep me focused on what is truly important.
1. clear skies with a half moon shining brightly this morning 2. a place where I can write my thoughts and get so much support, hugs, warm thoughts, and encouragement 3. being able to "connect" with the people I serve in my work and the realization of the honor it is to be "invited" into their homes and lives 4. a home life that makes me feel safe and protected 5. the hope of many more years with my husband
The work week is half way done as of today!! I count it from the beginning of the day rather than the end. Have a good day, soak up what is "good" about your life today!! I look forward to checking in on you in your journals!!
|
82.2 公斤
最近减少: 35.4 公斤.
还有: 0 公斤.
饮食准则: 合理的.
|
|
1578 千卡
|
脂肪: 33.60克 | 蛋白质: 85.76克 | 碳水物: 255.54克.
早餐: medifast cocoa, water, Fiber One. 午餐: Healthy Choice Italian Style Wedding Soup, Eating Right Yogurt. 晚餐: Perrier, Lean Cuisine Roasted Turkey Breast. 小食/其他: Franz Cinammon Swirl Bread, clementine, Eating Right Potato Crisps, South Beach Living Fiber Fit Apple Cinnamon Meal Bar, Snickers Marathon Dark Chocolate Crunch. 更多的......
|
|
3088 千卡
|
运动:
购物 - 1 小时, 睡眠 - 8 小时, 休息 - 4 小时 和 14 分钟, 案头工作(例如办公室的工作,坐着) - 8 小时, 驾驶 - 2 小时, Precor Elliptical - 46 分钟. 更多的......
|
一星期增加1.3 公斤
|
![](https://m.ftscrt.com/static/images/box/membersicon.gif) 评论
I love your 5 and I appreciate you sharing what is obviously an extraordinary relationship with us. And I am proud of you for not stressing over the scale! Have a good day Moose.
|
2010年01月6日 会员:: madaboutmoose
|
I love your thoughts of today - you have put into words exactly what I feel but have been unable to express. Thanks
|
I love the idea of the countdown!!! I can't wait to read your journal on the day where he is DONE! That will be a great day. :) I am in awe of your positive outlook. You are a very strong woman! A co-worker of mine is back in the office this week after his prostate cancer treatment and he proudly wears his "Cancer Sucks" sweatshirt every Friday. He says humor is what got him through it. Having a good attitutde is the best thing you can do! :)
2010年01月6日 会员:: Chris1979
|
Moose, you certainly are not in "denial". your positive attitude doesn't mean you refuse to see what's going on... keep this big smile on your face and enjoy every minute of your life!
2010年01月6日 会员:: jessyline
|
I LOVE how you stay calm over your fluctuations. That's the way it should be! Good idea to count down the treatments. Hope your hubby is getting through them well.
|
First.. ((((((((hugs))))))). Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so honestly. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is learning life lessons from you, and will be better prepared for whatever comes our way because of it. I am so happy to have 'met' you here! You are a beautiful person!
|
Bravo! I wish you and your family only the best...
2010年01月6日 会员:: super dave
|
I like your #5 today -- "H O P E" -- it's value is so often underrated with Faith and Charity taking center stage. Optimism is a powerful force in human nature. (And, of course, it springs eternal.)
|
I do not think you are in denial at all. Like so many others here I am inspired and awed by your strength and dignity.
|
Very well said, Doit. Hugs to you, Moose. I have lots of thoughts after reading your journal but HUGS sums it up. Feeling SAFE at home with our spouses is so important. I am working on that (along with my other "projects.") It's hard for me to really let go of that flight or fight stance. Thanks again for opening your inner life so fully on here. You always bring me back to the real, true basics of LIFE.
2010年01月6日 会员:: beets_yum
|
Oh Moose, your journal brought me to tears tonight. On a number of very deep and complicated levels. Thank you, SO MUCH, for sharing how you share. Your #1 brought to mind Van Morrison and his fantabulous Moondance...tonight I dedicate that song to you and the man you love.
|
Madaboutmoose, you and your family are in my prayers. More than 10 years ago my whole life was plagued with cancer. My family lost five members to the horrible stuff including my sister and my dear grandmother. In the midst of that my father died of an accident. For five years it was one diagnosis then funeral after another. I thought I was going to lose my mind and I know that there were moments when I did. I honestly didn't think I'd see the positive side to life again after all of that.
When my sister was diagnosed, the catalyst to my five year hell, I was about to start my senior year of high school. She died exactly two weeks after I graduated. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to face and there are aspects of it I still haven't dealt with 13 years later. What has kept me even remotely sane has been the blessings God brought into my life starting with my family. My family clung so tight to each other during that time I thought we might all suffocate and it has kept us close ever since. My friends where always there for me, and like you I wrote when I needed to express myself. I did a lot of screaming too.
The loss of my sister was incredibly painful, but in some ways the months leading up to it were worse. I've seen what you are about to see and my heart goes out to you. This time of your life won't be easy, but I promise to be of any help to you that you might need. If you ever need anything, you have your friends here and at home to turn to for support. Cling to those blessings and they will keep you afloat.
|
Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us. You are amazingly strong and I will be sending FAITH, HOPE, LOVE and PRAYERS your way. You always make me remember what is truely important. Thanks!!
2010年01月7日 会员:: Wintergirl
|
Cancer is a very hard subject for me to talk about. Know you are in my prayers.
2010年01月7日 会员:: chattycathy1955
|
First ... thank you one and all!!! Beets ... oh I did the "flight or fight" thing for a very long time!! Although Bob and I had a great connection from our first meeting this trust thing has been years in the making!! And, through a lot of very difficult circumstances. Ms. Wahine ... Van Morrison is one of my all time favorite artists!!! Thank you all for listening to my life!! LOL!!! You all help me so much!! Thanks for putting up with me!! LOL!!
2010年01月7日 会员:: madaboutmoose
|
|
|