madaboutmoose的日记, 2010年09月9日

Thursday has arrived!!

Oh my. So busy lately!! Such is life. I always feel a little crazed when travel is involved.

Tomorrow I leave for Boise and will be back Saturday night. Part 3 of a four part training series I've been participating in concerning Reflective Supervision. I've really enjoyed this process ... even if it does make me feel a little insane.

Unfortunately I won't be home to accompany my husband to the memorial service for his co-worker on Saturday. I feel badly about that but there isn't anything I can do about it. I know Bob would prefer I be here ... but this is something neither one of us wants me to miss. I often feel torn ... like I ought to be in at least two places at one time. Bob will be fine, the timing is unfortunate. He tells me his family is calling it a celebration of his life. I'm pleased about that. It is the way it ought to be ... as sad as this is ... death is a natural part of life, and one's life ought to be celebrated, remembered well by those who cared for him.

Maintenance continues to go well. Amazing how much changing the way you think about something can impact day to day life. It is difficult to describe what I feel. Free. I feel free. I feel more at peace. I feel more balanced, less stressed. More 'matter-of-fact'. I remember the days each fluctuation on the scale was a major deal. I remember feeling panicked when the scale went up even if I knew I was eating well and exercising. I remember consistently feeling dissatisfied with my progress. I remember feeling destined to be fat. I remember dreading going out ... because it meant I would eat 'off' plan.

Remaining mindful is very important. Not just in relation to food and exercise but life in general. Acceptance of myself, kindness towards myself has been key for me. It is a journey that started decades ago, really. It has encompassed so much more than losing weight. It has included embracing my 'control junkie' tendencies, embracing my perfectionist approach to life, accepting the relationships I had with my family growing up, becoming fully comfortable with my feminity, being okay with my intensity, accepting my fallibility, learning to live more in the moment, and it goes on everyday. The times before when I lost and gained weight were not failures. They were an important part of this journey. I just couldn't see them as such at the time. I always thought I was headed to a destination. Now I know, the joy truly is in the journey and even the difficult parts of the journey contain joyful possibilities.

It is so sad to me ... that so much of our world is focused on "self-improvement" that really doesn't "improve" anything!! It is focused on external things making us 'happy' ... be they material possessions, career placements, the 'perfect' relationship, fitting into a particular size of clothing, or the balance in our bank accounts. Things aren't bad. I enjoy things. But things ... will never bring us peace, joy, contentment, and the like.

Some of my clients over the years have not been happy with my approach to therapy. They want ANSWERS. They are irritated by my repetition of "life is process not product", "you cannot change what you do not own", "we are not pies, we cannot put ourselves in the oven at 425 degrees for 45 minutes, we will never be done." They still cling to the idea that "if only ... then." And wait, impatiently for things to be "better."

There are many who offer advice and counsel about how to make things better. The self-help section of the bookstore is overflowing with advice. The truth is that no one else has the answer for you. The truth is there really is not an answer, not in the way we typically think of it anyway. There is no "best" way to lose weight. No perfect "diet." There is no "perfect" relationship. Self-esteem isn't so much about feeling "good" about who we are as it is about accepting our whole self.

Okay, I really need to get back to the task at hand here ... once again I go on and on.

Today I am grateful for ...

... my life
... the ability to reflect and ponder
... perspective
... the ability to feel connected to others
... this place where I have been able to write, think, share, support, be supported, be connected!!!!

Be ever mindful of how you are treating yourself. Are you practicing kindness towards yourself? Are you accepting of your frailties, warts, those areas you feel 'less than' in? Are you still beating up on yourself for being YOU? Do you have someone in your life who "gets you?" Are you 'waiting' for "this" or "that" to happen before you truly live?

Take care today. Practice. It is all practice. And remember ... we all can have a tendency to compare our "insides" to everyone else's "outsides." Not a good idea. I don't care how "good" someone else's life looks ... we are all pretty much the same inside. Have a good day my friends.

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1066 千卡

脂肪: 23.64克 | 蛋白质: 74.03克 | 碳水物: 160.20克.   早餐: Jarlsberg Lite, large egg, La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortilla, water. 午餐: Jarlsberg Lite, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, Weight Watchers Yogurt, banana, white turkey meat. 晚餐: Lean Cuisine Apple Cranberry Chicken. 小食/其他: Zone Perfect'. 更多的......

2957 千卡

运动: 案头工作（例如办公室的工作，坐着） - 9 小时, 驾驶 - 2 小时, Precor Elliptical - 38 分钟, 休息 - 4 小时 和 22 分钟, 睡眠 - 8 小时. 更多的......