Day 419 Calories 2023 Weight 179.0 (down .2 lbs)
Yesterday was a rather frustrating and exhausting day!! The good news is I do have all my 'papers' sorted out and added up and they are ready to input into the computer for taxes. The bad news is that I guess the cloud cover was so thick over our area yesterday that it was nearly impossible to maintain an internet connection!! I admit it ... I cursed a lot yesterday.
FIL is back home. The emergency room doctor discontinued one medication they had given him in his first hospital stay ... apparently something they give people experiencing delirium tremens which can itself cause anxiety. My FIL can make himself anxious with out the assistance of any medication. As a child my husband recalls when the winds kicked up my FIL would be fretting about shingles flying off the roof. He has always been a 'hand-wringer' ... not simply something he as picked up and perfected as he aged.
He has been going through this for 3 weeks and telling his 'wife' not to tell anyone. Yesterday morning he started having one of his 'attacks', this time yelling at her and she called 911 because he was getting mean. He believes that people are 'watching' him ... like the government basically. He didn't want to tell the doctor he had been using oxygen at home because if 'they' find out 'they' will cut her (his 'wife') off and she'll die, she'll die, she'll die. Now she NEEDS oxygen to live. They ran out at home the day before YESTERDAY. He wouldn't let her call the oxygen man to refill it because it was 1 day early and he would know and report them.
I could go on and on with examples but I'm sure you get the general idea. It is a little beyond normal anxieties. Hopefully with the change in medication he will settle down, at least a little. This is what it is ... holy smokes ... sometimes I think someone upstairs thinks we are ten feet tall, bullet-proof, and made of teflon!!! I must admit, fake MIL is actually the level-headed one ... while I still do not trust her she really is doing a good job of trying to contain FIL. I can't imagine living with his fretting, hyperventilating, and hysteria 24/7.
In many ways this is oh so very sad. My FIL clearly is deeply frightened. He has been a Bible scholar for many years and preached us up one side and then down the other in regards to the Bible and church. And yet now ... in the face of his own death he is scrambling and panicking and finds no comfort in his own beliefs. There is a verse in scripture that says something to the effect 'underneath are the everlasting arms.' Bob asked him about what happened to them ... he said 'you don't understand.' Bob reminded him that he doesn't have a cold, he has incurable, inoperable cancer ... that he does understand. His dad just looks at him with a blank expression on his face and continues to talk about how horrid and difficult his life is. It is sad to see a man who has been so 'confident' about his beliefs and life here after ... be so very frightened. The other day when I went grocery shopping for them he was going on about something and I told him that we'll just take one day at a time, that the only thing predictable in this life is change so we'll just take it one step at a time. He said, you know, that's the one thing I don't like about life ... that it is unpredictable. I think that says it all. When he can be the 'hero', the 'wise one', the one 'in control', he's okay. When he 'needs' someone, when life is 'uncertain', life is very frightening to him.
So sorry to go one so much ... we've been talking so much about this. Hubby and I, thank heavens, talk a lot, and I have learned over the years to be able to listen to him vent without taking it personally or reacting to the emotion I hear ... and he has done the same for me. The situation is challenging and emotionally draining at best. That said though, you know we'll just step through it and do the best we can with it. We will do the 'right' thing and we do love him. I think 'love' is shown in actions ... far more than emotions.
And so we were able to sleep in a bit this morning!! The coffee is brewed and being consumed and we are both very much looking forward to a day of being together, goofing off together, having some fun together. It won't change the reality of daily life but it will be WONDERFUL!!!
And so this morning here is my list ... I am grateful for
1. a partner in life where we share trust, love, being able to do what is necessary, and truly enjoy each other 2. personally being able to 'hate' what is sometimes required and at the same time being able to 'do it' without punishing those around me 3. the miracle that I have been able to lose 60 pounds and maintain that loss (more or less) even in the midst of all the 'toilet swirling' that seems to be in my life currently 4. my simple life ... while I still fantasize about winning the lottery (LOL!!!) I find much joy in my everyday life 5. the joy of being able to be known and knowing others
We watched "Funny People" last night, Adam Sandler's movie about a comedian with a terminal illness. It had its moments. What stuck with me was the ending when the character said something to the effect that his body was cured but his mind still had a long way to go (in reference to he was still pretty much of an 'asshole' though at least he was beginning to realize it!!). Change is difficult for all of us. It reminded me that losing weight is the easier task ... changing how we see ourselves, how we treat ourselves and others, maintaining the weight loss, accepting ourselves is the much more challenging journey.
I know, sort of 'deep' for a Saturday morning. You will all forgive me I know!!! LOL!!! It is me. I've always been this way!! LOL!!! I used to detest that about myself ... that I was 'intense.' A male friend of mine once told me that I was so intense no man would ever be able to be with me. I am so glad he was wrong!!! I have learned to lighten up ... to have fun too ... over the years. But this intensity in me is just me ... I am glad it is ... I am glad you all can put up with me!!!
Have a wonderful weekend. I am off to enjoy some 'light time' ... (BIG SMILE)!!!! Take care of yourselves ... thank you for listening to me ... I am glad you are here.
|
81.2 公斤
最近减少: 36.4 公斤.
还有: 0 公斤.
饮食准则: 合理的.
|
|
270 千卡
|
脂肪: 4.00克 | 蛋白质: 14.00克 | 碳水物: 48.00克.
早餐: Greek 2x Protein Honey Vanilla Yogurt, water, Fiber One. 更多的......
|
一个星期减少0.6 公斤
|
![](https://m.ftscrt.com/static/images/box/membersicon.gif) 评论
I'm glad you are here Moose. Intense journal, that's right, please don't apologize for being yourself! Go have some fun with your love, and forget about "the toilet swirling" for a while, troubles will still be here when you're back anyway...Have a great weekend Moose!
2010年03月13日 会员:: jessyline
|
Thanks Anne!!! I hope you find some simple joys in your days this weekend ... snow is falling here too ... but perhaps it will not last!!!
2010年03月13日 会员:: madaboutmoose
|
Now you've got all that off your chest get yourselves off and trip the light fantastic. When you look at it with less intensity FIL appears to be sorted out and you've done your bit and hopefully earned brownie points, you're still in your weight range, tax is done and your teflon coating seems to be working well and you've got a great weekend to look forward to. Mind you I'm still waiting for this lottery win. Have a super weekend.
2010年03月13日 会员:: flaxseed
|
LOL!!!!! Me too regarding the lottery win!!! I am so looking forward to my travels to Scotland to meet you and OH!!! Oh and there are the travels to Arizona to meet cindyshine and so many buddies it just isn't even funny!!! Never mind Tuscany, Costa Rica, New England in the fall, several days in the Smithsonian!!! LOL!!!
2010年03月13日 会员:: madaboutmoose
|
Ok Moose now go take a bubble bath, pack some sexy outfits, check into that hotel and have the most wonderful fantasy of your life.
2010年03月13日 会员:: chattycathy1955
|
I agree totally with flaxseed and jessy, things seem to be moving right along. I've told you before that I have trouble parsing the long entries, but read it through and through because it's you. Enjoy yourself this weekend moose, you have earned the right to do so. :-)
2010年03月13日 会员:: information
|
I didn't mean for that to sound unkind nor particularly brief, if it did, after all you have said and done. I'm afraid that I have a lot on my mind today buddy. Congrats on the chart, which I also just noticed.
2010年03月13日 会员:: information
|
Info ... no worries!! It was an incredibly LONG entry ... and I too find myself 'scanning' on occasion. It is really more for 'me' than anyone else ... therapy for myself I guess!! You did not sound unkind. I am honored you take the time to read them at all. Life is good. With stolen computers, crazy FIL's, cancer and so forth ... life is good. I appreciate that you know that. Take care of YOU!!
2010年03月13日 会员:: madaboutmoose
|
Thanks for understanding.
2010年03月13日 会员:: information
|
You sure DO have a lot on your plate...! Hope your night away is filled with fun and memorable moments...! Enjoy yourselves...hugggies
|
I did send you a PM, moose...my pm's still don't *notify* me - nor are they highlighted as unread like they used to be...I simply *check* a couple of times a day....perhaps it's that way for all of us??
|
Your depth and intensity are the traits I lOVE most about you. I am not kidding. The father-in-law situation is a rotten deal right but I know you can hang tough and muster the strength. My computer is so OLD and slow. I curse too. Let's curse together. Ready? %^$&()(&^$# He-he-he-he-he!
2010年03月13日 会员:: poet-in-motion
|
Hi Moose! Just thinking about you and hoping you got away and had an awesome time.
2010年03月14日 会员:: chattycathy1955
|
I know what you mean about the powers that be thinking you are " ten feet tall, bullet-proof, and made of teflon!!!" I feel the same way some days. I am often heard muttering, "OK OK...I GET it! Now LAY OFF!" I keep trying to figure out what the heck I am supposed to learn from it all because the universe has got to have a plan...wish I knew what it was! I have to say that people like you have made the toilet swirling more bearable. When I read what you are saying here it makes a difference. I want you to know that. While I do not wish the heart ache you are experiencing on anyone, especially someone as wonderful as you are, please know that you sharing here means a great deal. When you said, "changing how we see ourselves, how we treat ourselves and others, maintaining the weight loss, accepting ourselves is the much more challenging journey" it really hit home for me. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being you. And please know that while I appreciate it all I also wish you peace and comfort in the coming days and that life has balance and much happiness as well.
2010年03月14日 会员:: dawn0001
|
Hi, Moose! Thank you for sharing your bad day! Makes my family seem, well, just as bad, but I am not alone! You seem like a sensible person and I think the main reason you are in pain from your FIL's nonsense is the selfishness of his non-sense! God is great for others, but not for him? Wha? I shake my head at that too! Hope you have a great day!
2010年03月14日 会员:: abbadabba
|
It's sunday night, no news from you Moose... Did you have too much fun and decided to stay there? I hope you had a great getaway, and you'll be back home safe and sounds.
2010年03月14日 会员:: jessyline
|
You said your FIL is an anxious sort but did you check which medication(s) he was/is still on? Your description of events sounds more like paranoia than anxiety, which could be caused by a disagreeable medication or a bad mix...but you probably know this already. Hope you caught a break this weekend!
|
|
|