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Won't be able to do a low carb day today ... started my day off with a smoothie. I have to shop and rethink if I am going to do low carb. I completely lost it yesterday. Did not eat well. Today is another opportunity.
Feeling pretty much panicked at this point. I didn't weigh this morning. Couldn't do it. Chose not to do it.
Busy day ahead. Don't have time to say more right now. Except ... I like myself! I like myself! I like myself! What I want, wants me! What I want, wants me!!
And ...
THANK YOU!!!
EDITED
Both morning appointments cancelled and here I am back at the office!! YAY!!! My crazy day just got less crazy.
So let me fill you in on the "rest of the story." The doctor appointment went well. Hubby's PSA 6 months ago was .5, 3 months ago .8, this month .9. It is rising but that is expected. Doc says she will be happy if it stays below 2.0. The exam revealed no problems with the prostate. He was able to talk about his side effects and get reassurance that he will slowly begin to feel better as the Elegard shots wear off. That is very good news. I may or may not have told you that when he received his last shot in April, the nurse giving it to him at the local cancer center told him, I hope you aren't expecting to feel better ... because this is as good as it is ever going to get!! I think that impacted him more than he realized. His radiation oncologist and her nurse both reassured him that was NOT the case, that his energy would return, his testosterone would recover, and "this" is NOT as "good as it gets." She is going to start taking testosterone levels when he gets his PSA tested, in 3 months. After I left the room he told me the doctor asked him several times if he was suicidal!! He is not. I am grateful that she asked, and that she asked more than once. I am hoping that now that he has "hope" he will start to feel better. I think if he expects to feel better he indeed will feel better. YAY!!
But the eating completely fell apart. Hubby hadn't eaten when I picked him up to head down to the appointment and he was starving, but didn't want to eat "big" until after his appointment. So ... we stopped at McDonalds. Did I pass? Nope. I had fries and 1 cheeseburger. Then afterwards we had Mexican. That entailed chips, salsa, Corona Light, and we shared a shrimp entree but he picked one with a creamy sauce. So, low cal shrimp, high cal sauce. Then we stopped by his uncles to pick up our small chainsaw from him and I raided his cookie container. I can't even tell you how many cookies I ate. And if that wasn't enough ... when we got home I baked brownies. And of course because I fixed a brownie hot fudge sundae for hubby I also fixed one for me. What was I thinking? Clearly I was not. I didn't feel so good after all that sugar. I believe I had the direct opposite of low carb!! Good grief, silly sausage!!
So now ... perhaps you can understand the scale avoidance this morning.
I need to wrap my head around making some changes. I have GREAT resistance to "diets." I did not "diet" when I joined fatsecret and very successfully lost lbs. "Diets" tend to backfire on me. I feel deprived. I get grumpy. But, I need to do something to shake things up for my body. I don't think about carbs. So ... I'm trying to get myself in the right space. Perhaps I need to make a short term plan. Two weeks or something like that. Maybe to the end of the month? I'll figure it out. I will. I will. I will.
And I must recall ... remember ... reiterate ... I am kind to myself. I take care of myself. I sleep well. I crave the foods my body needs to lose weight. I am satisified with the foods my body needs. I am calm and only eat when I am physically hungry. I am a successful business woman and entrepreneur. I am an expert in my field. People pay me for my expertise. I am organized and efficient. I plan well and follow through with my plans. I am financially responsible. I manage our finances wisely. I earn $100,000 a year. Our wood shed is full. Our dental needs are met. I have money saved to pay for a vacation in Mexico in February 2012. I believe in myself. I like myself. I love my body. I am strong, lean, and fit. I enjoy taking care of myself. I handle strong emotion and conflict calmly. I am confident.
I am also grateful.
1. For hubby's medical team ... seems strange to have 2 women taking care of a prostate patient but they are wonderful. I feel supported too.
2. For the community of support I have here on fatsecret ... knowing it really is okay for me to say anything I need/want to ... and that I will not be judged, made fun of, or shamed.
3. For continued good sleep!! My other "goals" may not quite yet be realized but I have been sleeping much, much better lately.
4. For cancellations today ... giving me a little breathing room in a very busy week!!
5. For smiling ... it helps, even when I am not feeling particularly like smiling ... makes me feel better.
That's it folks. Me. A work in progress. Someone who still struggles with judging herself, feeling like a failure, and sometimes makes unwise choices in food. I envy those who seem to have this thing "licked" ... who have lost weight and maintained it for a long time. Of course, I know ... EVERYONE struggles with SOMETHING and it is unwise for me to compare my "insides" with someone else's "outsides!" Bottom line is that I am worth it. We all are. I will continue to push those self abusive thoughts away and replace them with kind thoughts. I am an attractive woman right now!! I am worth the kindness!! I am constantly learning, growing ... and grateful for what I have. And ... I am not alone.
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505 千卡
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脂肪: 7.31克 | 蛋白质: 67.51克 | 碳水物: 42.93克.
早餐: strawberries, Oikos Plain 0% nonfat yogurt, banana, Body Fortress Whey Protein Powder. 午餐: chicken breast meat, Cottage Cheese. 更多的......
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2819 千卡
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运动:
健美操（轻型的，例如居家运动） - 10 分钟, 普拉提健身操 - 30 分钟, 驾驶 - 2 小时, 睡眠 - 8 小时, 休息 - 13 小时 和 2 分钟, Elliptical - 18 分钟. 更多的......
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