Wednesday has arrived and I am still in one piece!!
I realize my journal entries have been very long with my new lists. I apologize. But it is my own form of "therapy" so continue I must. I understand if you skim it ... or skip it ... I just appreciate the company.
Last night was okay. We did the "normal" things we typically do and yet I thought I felt "tension." I didn't open a conversation about my perception though ... I just let it be. Bob had a rough evening. He ended up "not feeling well" which is code for big anxiety. I felt responsible for his anxiety. And yet I know I am not. He is responsible for his own feelings. I spoke the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. I may not have done it "well" but I did the best I could. I held my ground. Yet. Yes, I struggled too. So I replaced those thoughts with different thoughts and just stayed with them. I nurtured him through actions ... and remembered it would pass. It was difficult. He didn't write his goals like he has every night for well over a week. I felt the fear rising up in me. I was aware of my thoughts: "I don't want to be the rock." "I want someone else to be the strong one, the rock for me." "I am lonely." "I miss someone paying attention to me." "I am so tired of this." Many more too but I won't drag this out. It is long enough. You get the drift.
I haven't read my book for the last few nights. I plan on getting some time in tonight. I did sleep better last night. I did okay with eating. Bob made another delicious stir fry ... this time with a little rice, broccoli, onion, green beans, bean sprouts, cabbage, and flank steak. It was awesome. He also did the dishes. I am loving the wok!!
Today is staff meeting day, I have a transition meeting at the school district this morning with a set of twins who will celebrate their 3rd birthday early in December. And then the board meeting this afternoon for
AimEarlyIdaho. It will be a busy enough day.
I am strong and tall.
I am long and lean.
I weigh 180 lbs.
I sleep well.
I take care of myself.
I am kind to myself.
I like the way I look.
I like my body.
I earn $100,000.00 a year.
I run a successful consulting business.
I offer workshops and there are waiting lists to register.
I am organized and efficient.
I am creative.
I am smart.
I am capable.
I crave healthy foods.
I am satisfied with healthy foods.
I feed my body when it is hungry.
I maintain balance with my thoughts and emotions.
I enjoy meaningful conversations.
Our wood shed is full.
I am financially responsible.
People pay me for my expertise.
I am supportive of my husband.
I plan well and finish projects.
I am thoughtful with my responses.
I own a vacation home abroad.
I manage a foundation named "Random Acts of Kindness."
I am grateful as well.
Grateful for maintaining my own balance and not giving into to the tendency to overeat when I am stressed.
Grateful for the wise counsel and support so many buddies offered me yesterday.
Grateful it is Wednesday.
Grateful I do not feel so driven to weigh myself so often.
Grateful I feel able to reach my goal weight despite the apparent slowness of the process.
Grateful for life.
And so ... time to work. This journey of life certainly contains aspects I never anticipated. How could I? So many surprises. So many twists and turns. So many challenges. So many unexpected wonders. Being kind to myself is a full time job. It has been good to be more mindful, to spend more time "pondering" "meditating" whatever you want to call it. Acceptance is beneficial. While my chart hovers far above where I would like to see it I don't feel in a hurry. I have always felt in a hurry. I hope to catch up with many of you. Know that even if my presence isn't obvious on your journals you are all in my thoughts ... and I do visit ... just don't always have the time to comment. Enjoy your day. Be good to yourselves. Practice kindness.