madaboutmoose的日记, 2013年02月14日

Good morning fellow travelers. Thursday. The day before Friday. The day befor a three-day weekend that I am actually not dreading. Very happy to report.

Today is the day, yes Valentines Day, that I hoped to be at 199.something. I did not weigh. I did well yesterday but I have decided one more day of "well" and I will check in with the scale on Saturday. Even with cashews and cookies a couple nights this weeks did well overall so I'm not thinking I've gained but I feel okay with waiting for an official weigh-in. It see,s like the kind thing to do for myself.

DH and I are on the mend I believe. I'm on the mend anyway and we are talking here and there when we have the time. I am practicing being very diligent with being more transparent. Not stuffing everything. Being mindful of my thoughts and feelings. We are reading a book "together." In quotes because we are back to opposite schedules so we each have our own bookmark. I'm not saying I wil never relapse into self abuse, but for now I've stopped beating on myself. It's a terrible thing we do to ourselves. God doesn't make junk. He does make humans.

Work is nuts. I'm SO busy! New families, some of them very challenging and at least one purely delightful despite their dire circumstances. That is good for me. It is helping me regain my footing and perspective.

My dear mother bought me replacements for the things I ruined with my juice spill! It is my birthday, Valentines Day, Mother's Day present from her. I should get them in a week or so. I'm excited! Bless her heart! She spoils me rotten. I am indeed blessed.

I have three scheduled meetings today with families or colleagues with time to catch up on paperwork in between. One is a bit of a drive but that's okay. I think the weather will be fine today.

Juice is made, coffee being consumed as I write, and I am feeling better than I have felt in years. I know I have work to do but it helps to be seen. I am an isolater. That is not healthy or kind. It's good to see it from a different perspective. I regret the pain and panic I caused DH but I am not upset that it is out of the closet. This crisis is indeed an opportunity.

All of the other stressors, his health, our finances, the kids, work, and so forth are still there. However, every day, I am choosing to embrace them differently. I am choosing to catch my thoughts and change my behavior. Enough is enough.

And so another opportunity to be grateful ....

For crises that indeed are opportunities.
For my brain, which when properly engaged is helpful not hurtful.
For not ruining my iPad.
For laughter in the midst of challenges.
For remembering who I am.
For friends, family, and colleagues.
For the beautiful sunshine yesterday.
For payday tomorrow.
For clothes that are beginning to fit (an expanding wardrobe!)

So off I go! Juice to be consumed, shower to be taken, kindness to be practiced. I thought I was being kind by swallowing my feelings and focusing only on taking care of DH. Oh but I was not taking care of me! And really, not doing a very effective job of taking care of him either. So this old dog is still learning new tricks. The older I get the more I realize I do not know.

Take care!