madaboutmoose的日记, 2012年01月10日

I decided since I probably won't have time to write again in the morning, or during the day at work I would write a bit of a journal before I went to bed. I've sort of been vegetating this evening ... doing mindless things on the computer. Guess I needed the down time. I'm enjoying a Michelob Ultra and getting ready to button up the house for the night. It's just me and Blue, my 100 lb. Doberman, tonight. Hubby is working. Mom is visiting friends out of town. Kind of nice, actually.

I enjoyed a nice indulgence day on Saturday. Hard for me to keep track of calories when we eat out. Not every restaurant has calorie counts and so I just sort of give up. We took a nice drive, had a nice chat and ended up at a Mexican restaurant ... just over the border in Washington. Very good food. Cerveza and a shrimp dish. We shared a dessert. Lovely.

Of course the weight went up. It always does. Today I think it was back down to 198.2. I'm hoping for 195 something for a new low ... since I was 196.4 on Saturday morning I think. What is important is it is coming down. Since my weight fluctuates so wildly anyway ... the up fluctuation after indulgence day doesn't really trouble me. At my highest this fall I had gotten up to 214 I think ... so that means I have lost 17.6 lbs??? Only 16.4 more to go to get back where I was over a year ago. It's okay ... it will happen if I remain mindful, am kind to myself, and take care of myself.

It was a beautiful drive into work this morning. It snowed overnight, not a lot but enough to freshen things up. The clouds had cleared as I drove into town. The mountains were dusted with a fresh layer of snow, the blue sky peaking out, and this beautiful full moon setting behind the mountain range as I drove into town. Absolutely gorgeous. Now it is chilly ... I think supposed to get down into the teens tonight. No matter ... it is toasty warm in here and if not ... if I wait long enough I'll have a hot flash and won't need the heat!!

Life is good. Hubby's topic of conversation on Saturday was pretty simple and straightforward. We stopped at several surplus/thrift stores on our meanderings. It was fun. We watched Midnight in Paris last night at home. Really enjoyed it.

So ... I have daily opportunities to practice kindness towards myself. While I still find myself being impatient ... I remind myself this is a NEVER ending journey for me. When I stop paying attention is when I gain weight. I know that. I've done it often enough. The plan is to always pay attention. I've done pretty well I think over these past few years. Yes. I did gain some weight back but I didn't gain all of it and I stopped much sooner than I have in the past. Like many of you, I've been doing this most of my adult life.

I have a Christmas memory book my mother gave me when my son was under 2 years old. For 25 years I documented Christmas in it. We were looking at it over the holiday. I put pictures in there from time to time. My husband saw a picture of me one year and he said to me ... you were big. He has never seen me as big. He only sees me as his beautiful wife. Of course, looking back he can see it. Sort of bittersweet for me to hear him say that. I was big. And uncomfortable. Pictures are interesting to look at. I have them at all different sorts of weights through the years.

Right now I am comfortable. I can't wear as many clothes as I'd like too ... particularly my pants ... but most of my clothes in my closet fit. I can cross my legs easily. I feel good. When I catch a reflection of myself I don't want to run and hide. I do want to get back to 180 though. 180 was wonderful. I felt REALLY good at 180. I don't know if I'll ever go below 180 but that doesn't matter. At 180 absolutely everything in my closet fits great. I feel downright skinny at 180.

Well ... I should bid you all good night and put myself to bed. Feels good to talk to you all ... even though it is rather a one way conversation at this moment. So ... good night or good morning/afternoon depending on when you read this.

I hope you are all taking proper care of yourselves, remembering to practice self care and kindness ... ever mindful of what is beautiful and positive in your lives.

Tonight, as bid you all goodnight I am grateful for ...

... a husband who has always thought I was beautiful.

... a warm wood stove to keep me warm.

... the knowledge that I am able to take good care of myself.

... good friends who look out for me and care about me.

... a comfortable bed and a safe place to live.

Take care!!!

---

1184 千卡

脂肪: 48.24克 | 蛋白质: 115.44克 | 碳水物: 57.97克.   早餐: eggs, Sliced Hickory Smoked Boneless Ham, Marketside Pico de Gallo, Mexican Shredded Cheese. 午餐: Pico De Gallo (Mild), Chicken Breast Meat (Broilers or Fryers), Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat), Boiled Egg. 晚餐: Mexican Shredded Cheese, Litehouse Lite Ranch, chicken breast , Iceberg lettuce. 小食/其他: Michelob Ultra, Special K Sea Salt Crackers. 更多的......

2884 千卡

运动: 驾驶 - 1 小时 和 30 分钟, Precor Elliptical - 30 分钟, 休息 - 7 小时 和 30 分钟, 睡眠 - 8 小时, 案头工作（例如办公室的工作，坐着） - 6 小时 和 30 分钟. 更多的......