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As promised I have not weighed. I have though continued to be mindful in my eating. It is COLD here!!! I don't think we've broken 20 degrees yet. A skiff of snow on the ground and frigid temps. It feels much too early to be so darn cold. And actually we don't usually have COLD COLD weather so what's up with that????
Worked at home yesterday. I had 4 reports to do, assessments to interpret and only got 2 done. UGH. It takes a lot of time to really think about what test results might mean and I'm no good at rushing through things like that. I figure if I'm going to write up something about a kid that it should have some thought put into it, don't want to jump to conclusions. I know how it works. Once something is in print it tends to follow you and people will believe it is true even if it is not and it was done shabbily and without thought. It's a short week anyway with the holiday today and Friday I have an all day training so I won't be able to get to the other reports for a bit yet.
I did have an opportunity to speak with our HUB supervisor yesterday about the case I am rumored to be receiving a subpoena for. That took almost 2 hours. I like her. I felt supported and heard and I guess that's as good as it gets. I don't know if I will actually be subpoenaed or not. I'm kind of hoping not as rarely does anything good come from court. I wish it was different but it isn't most of the time. I have another family going through a divorce and I am reminded of how ugly we humans can be. It breaks my heart. I understand sometimes divorce is needed, is what should happen. Some people shouldn't be together, should have never been together. What breaks my heart are the children. This couple have two boys together a toddler under 2 and a 6 year old. He has a 15 year old from a prior marriage. I've known this family for YEARS and have been in their home working with them. I actually like them both. He is threatening to put his 15 year old on the stand to testify that she is abusive and an unfit mother if she doesn't agree to his divorce terms. He has access to money she does not. He has family helping him. She has NO family. So ugly and destructive to everyone. The boys will pay. So do the adults but you know what they have power, the boys do not. I used to be a child custody court mediator. I'm so glad I don't do that anymore. It is exhausting. Gratifying when you can get parents to decide together the plan for the kids but so exhausting when everyone is slinging mud. I always wonder ... how do you get from "I love you" to I'm going to destroy you? Oh I understand anger but I don't understand from my heart so much of what I see in this world.
Well that was a long diatribe wasn't it? This is what happens when I actually have time to journal. Sorry!!! Guess I'm just at a stage of my life where I'm tired of all the pain we seem to inflict on each other. My life is much different than I thought it would be at this stage of the game and time seems precious. Does my DH have lung cancer? How long will I have him? How will my life change when he dies? What do I do with this mountain off the grid home? And each time he irritates me and drives me crazy I remind myself that it is what it is and I'm not going to let myself go nuts because he drives me crazy sometimes.
So of course, today is all any of us really has. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is uncertain. So I shall make the best of today, enjoy the blessings I have, remember to be kind to myself and not let a moment slip by without me paying attention to it. I'll hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Do I wish things were different? Of course, in some ways but it is what it is and I'm richer than most. I have a husband who truly is trustworthy, who loves me just as I am, who supports me, who thinks I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.
Well guess this isn't much about a weight loss journey today. I've been feeding the fire and listening to music, Susan Tedeschi, Joan Osborne, Trigger Hippy, The Rides, JJ Grey and Mofro ... Tonight we have tickets to Southern Soul Assembly Tour in our little town. Looking forward to listening to the 4 artists (Luther Dickinson, Anders Osborne, JJ Grey, and Marc Broussard), bringing mom with us I hope she enjoys it. Gonna be cold all week ... guess I better find my winter clothes!!!
I hope this finds you all well and being kind to yourselves in this journey of life. I appreciate having a place to write. I always forget how much it helps me to write. I spend so much time in my life focused on other people I often don't take the time or have the opportunity to simply say what is on my mind. It helps when I do. Take Care!!!
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