gingin40的日记, 2015年02月27日

It sometimes takes time to see who your friends really are. I quit facebook and all social media for 3 years.. (and I was only 21) which is huge for my generation. All my friends expect 2 stopped speaking to me, inviting me out. Like a text message to me was SO HARD TO DO. Just because I wasn't using facebook. I slowly realized that I had more time for myself and to work on my own goals. The true friends I have support me, and make an effort to visit me. You will see sometimes there are people you just do not need in your life. And the time they take up will be free for you to fit in a good workout, hang out with a better friend or even learn a new recipe. Keep your head up. Next time on a relaxing day just turn off the phone all together, turn on some good music and focus on yourself! 

Well said and true. You have come far to do that walk instead, you deserve a pat on the back for that. 

I am sorry about how you feel about that friendship - I have been there with people, too. The BEST is having control and recognizing food does not soothe our emotions. Perhaps that is the real lesson you learned. Great process for you! 

"I have changed so much though and the thought of eating junk food sounded gross compared to a good walk." Ahh, that we would all make such wise choices, in all facets of life. Well done! 

There was this guy I used to know. He used to drop in where I used to work and chat. We got along great. Sometimes we'd spend a half hour chatting. (Work structure was flexible). We never did things together but frequently had really good talks. One day after our chat he asked if he could borrow $20. Of course he could. The guy quit turning up. If I saw him on the street, he'd avoid me. It was insane. I was disappointed, but not about the money. If he'd have said he couldn't pay me back, I wouldn't have cared. He was in hard times and I knew it, but $20? I mentioned this to a friend one day and told him how disappointed I was to lose this friendship. It was real. I know it was, but something had changed. I mentioned how stupid it was to lose a friendship over $20 and he said "That could be the best $20 you ever spent." That floored me. I don't know why it can take so little to lose people. I have students who brag to me that they have over 1000 friends on facebook. No they don't. That was my graduating class. I read the other day that this is the 'notification generation'. I think it's true, but blurting out your business to 1000+ people at a time (looks around FS) isn't really a connection. I only have a handful of friends here and a handful in real life. That's not a failing. That's closeness. Be well my friends.  

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. Even at my age, I am still learning the good and bad sides of friendship. I love Fat Secret because it is easier to journal my problems and feelings than on Facebook. Every personal struggle always coincides with my weight because I am an emotional eater. When I was stressed in the past I would run to fast food or junk food to make everything better. The fact that exercise has replaced those bad habits is something I am surprised by and want to remember in the future when I am feeling sad again.  

I've read that a lot of people are focusing on living their lives for the pictures they can create for FB. Instead of living in the moment and truly enjoying themselves, they are concerned about the pixs and their wall. It's a sort of competition for some people. And truly, I can see that if you're honest enough about your life on FB, it may be depressing when others are glamorizing everything. Needless to say, I'm not on FB. lol  

I agree with the above comment. I saw a study on how interacting on facebook or browsing facebook can cause depression after viewing it. Because people glamourize life. Makes for competition. I never use facebook. recently I had my old facebook up to keep in contact with some distant family since everyone seems to think text messaging and calling is out-dated. But I plan on deleting it again like I have for the last 3 years. 

So thoughtless of your friend. I wonder if he/she had any idea how hurtful words can be?  

I agree with NowIunderstand. In this age of worshiping confidence, rather than being competent, a lot of people's biggest concern is to look successful.  

Going on a walk was a good idea. When I am stressed out I like to exercise since then I have so much energy I can't sit still or concentrate on anything anyway. 

NM: Loved what you said about 1000 FB friends. Ging: You did the right thing ... walk it off. Friends are people who accept you just the way you are and are there to support you when you need them. They are always honest but never hurtful. I consider friends part of my team and so I choose them very carefully - I always want a 'high performing' team so we build up each other (no tearing down is allowed). Shake it off .... I am so glad you are finding good habits and positive ways of dealing with hurts/ disappointments. Keep it up! I am only your cyber friend but I am here to support you! :) 

Thank you, Jenn. 

I agree with so many comments here. There is a big difference between friends, acquaintances, work people and family. Friends should stand with you, go places with you and have your back. Acquaintances you speak to or nod to, but don't want to spend much time. Family you are just stuck with. Work people you just have to work with them. Some you like, some you ignore. Please don't let one person ruin you for your other friends. One person might tell you someone said bad things about you, when they didn't or what was said was completely taken out of context. Some people just want to sabotage other friendships. Please use your intuition and don't jump to conclusions from what one person says. 

Good for you to go for a walk! Think about if that friend is good for you, if that person is actually supporting you and you supporting that person in positive ways. I often have trouble with the friend thing, often it's me that drops out of the relationship, usually slowly quietly. Have this one women who has been my friend for years and really helped me through a tough time. Now she thinks I have to do everything her way. She gets upset that I do not. She tells I'm too old to do what I want to do, too old to exercise or work on my house; that I have to follow her eating plan (diabetic and has a stomach muscle stenosis issue cannot eat fiber), she gets mad at me for what I eat. I rarely call her anymore because she makes me feel bad. She had surgery recently and I haven't called her, I feel badly that I haven't.  

always remember….no one can make us feel anything. it is how we react that is what counts. there will be many who are false…manipulative and users but it is always how we react that matters. walks are good 

WTG on walking. Sorry to hear about your phone call. Hope all turns out ok. I turn to food for everything, so I understand and it was great that you walked instead. :) 

^ Lots of good advice from everyone. Walking is great. Whenever I am stressed out, I walk away from the kitchen. Eating junk or even overeating healthy food will just make you feel worse, not any better.  

Ging: Do you see the outpouring of support and encouragement you have here? Lots of cyber-friends jumped in to let you know that we are here for you! Gosh, I think all the positive boosting you received cancelled the bad vibes you got from your "friend". Lovely!!!! Have a wonderful day and week - you are good to go now :) 

"Having An Honest Enemy is Far Better Than Having A Fake Friend". :) Stay focused.