JP, I definitely hear where you are coming from and have been in that state of mind before with my mom. Honestly I am not sure what I feel towards her, there are many things: anger, sadness, pity, frustration, disappointment, incredulity,resignation, confusion, dismay. I am glad you feel less angry because I remember the weight I felt disappear when I realized I no longer hated my first brother. That heaviness is awful, I wouldn't wish it on others. Hopefully you also have other people who help fill the gaps/ voids your mom left. (I realize that no one can exactly fit that role when the person who has it by nature is neglecting it, but having positive relationships certainly deflates/dissipates the negativity that we can absorb from people like our moms.)