The anti- nausea meds that I take during chemo week still are exerting their control. Feeling pretty backed up. Really need to get more weed and maYBE psyllium. Used to eat loads of fiber/day, so this high fat diet plus drugs has me feeling foreign.
Plus my relationship issues too. Talked more w/ DW. She is a molestation survivor, and just now admitted that she has never gotten sexual pleasure from me. And now just feels like a friend too me. no desire at all. Prolly expect that b/c I've constantly dissapointed her by being tardy and not exactly neat and tidy.She is livid w. me b/c of such, But its still devastating to me.
I crave giving pleasure, to feel really intimate when I give my lover an earth shaking orgasm and nearly get suffocated by her legs clamping around my head. The high frequency shivers that start with intensity and fade to occasional muscular jerks. I've gone down on my wife twice in 10 years, not counting more when we were dating, when she withheld her disgust with such sex activity.
She has a compelling need to be in control and have things just so. I am more fluid, creative and generally flexible.We knew these qualities b/f marrying. I love and desire her in spite of all her faults, etc.
I just don't know. I want to help w/ her molestation f/x. But Time is limited for me. Do I want to live like this for my remaining few years? We are in individual counseling now and attend retrovaille (intensive couples marriage retreat) in june, but i just don't know.
I came clean to her about my faults while we were dating, why did she allow these same annoyances fester to the breaking point? And now I am in the dreaded "friend" stage. Great. What a life to look forward to. Doesn't matter to her, she doesn't need or want sex. An occasional self-dildo-ing to help her fall asleep fills the need for her.
I am selling all my stuff. tools, boat, car, art, sciencey gear. and more. All that is me, it seems.keeping hand drums tho. make it so i am more pleasing to her. also so my life is more simple so i can concentrate on my son. and be ready to move if it comes to that.
for TGDG:
An' here I go again on my own Goin' down the only road I've ever known, Like a drifter I was born to walk alone An' I've made up my mind I ain't wasting no more time
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1218 千卡
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脂肪: 104.95克 | 蛋白质: 58.52克 | 碳水物: 18.06克.
早餐: Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Land O' Lakes heavy whipping cream. 午餐: Trader Joe's Jarlsberg Cheese, Brazil Nuts, Hebrew National Beef Salami. 晚餐: Trader Joe's Marinated Mozzarella Balls, Planters Cocktail Peanuts. 更多的......
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![](https://m.ftscrt.com/static/images/box/membersicon.gif) 评论
I am not sure what to say to this journal. I want to both tell you it will be okay, and then in turn it makes me angry at your wife for making things this difficult at this point in everything. I know that life is not fair, and only fools expect it to be, but still things should not be this hard. Speically at times like this. Sorry for that.
2013年04月22日 会员:: Rubie-sue
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You now need to go into writing a romance novel! When you are a creative passionate person, often it is so hard to communicate (because others just don't get it on the same level), your special, not with faults! Communication is different (more intense, better) for the creative/artist/scientist in you. It also leaves you venerable to hurt when the other can't respond the way we want/need. When I moved to Nashville (not there anymore) was the first time I felt "normal" like I fit in, and like I could be myself, passion, feeling, music. etc. I am so sorry things are so frustrating and hard especially since you are such an expressive man. She is scared for you as well which brings up a whole different set of feelings I can’t really relate to. Don't worry so much about making a clean exit, things take care of themselves, they are just things, enjoy your things, you and your boy comes first now. Huggs! Here is a song I thought you might like. Annie Lennox Something So Right... youtu.be/ISDhPbt_TnA
2013年04月22日 会员:: Lizzygracemusic
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